Hullo. My name is Nick. I am a no nonsense cat. I live on the campus of the local Gisborne Polytechnic. That is where I was born.
Three of us were born in December 2010 at the Polytechnic. That was me, and my brother and sister. We were named Polly, Tick and Nick — that adds up to Polytechnic. The man who named us was a Computer Tutor named Nick, who also decided to look after the three of us, and feed us.
Don’t mess with me.
Nick (the tutor) and others at the Polytechnic ensured that we were neutered and spayed. He said he didn’t need any more cats being bred. We were looked after very well. However, Polly found a better home which fed her “gourmet” pet food.
I took my time to get to know the people at the Polytechnic. It looked like we had one or two that were based elsewhere or at another campus. Some of these people seemed distinctly dodgy.
Polly was the friendliest of the three of us, and I was considered the least friendly. My brother Tick had a way of working people out. If he didn’t like a person, he just walked away.
I worked out that Nick the Computing Tutor was okay. I would come to him and ask to be stroked. He was very happy to stroke me, as he did with Polly and Tick.
I worked out that the Campus Director was okay too, though she didn’t stroke me. Realising her status in the institution, I thought I would pay her some tribute. I caught and killed a rat, and placed it outside her door as a token of honour.
My gesture brought about a lot of comment. Frank, the manager from the other campus, said to Nick, “You can keep those cats”.
“Why is that, Frank?” responded Nick.
“They clearly exterminate rats” replied Frank.
Nick takes the sacrificial rat to the altar.
“Aww, I don’t know about that, Frank. I can see at least one rat that the cats haven’t exterminated”. Frank just stared at Nick for five or six seconds. Suddenly, realization dawned upon him, and you should have seen his facial expression change!
The next day, me and Nick the tutor saw Frank again. Nick was stroking me, and I was purring away quite happily, when along comes Frank. This made me feel uneasy. “Ah, the rat catcher” exclaimed Frank. “That’s right” said Nick.
I was preparing to run. Nick tried to sooth me. Next minute, Frank made a move. “Nice pussy cat” he said, as he crouched down, and reached out his hand, as if to pet me.
No way, I thought. I let his hand come a little bit closer, and then let fly with a terrific hiss. I followed this up by swiping his hand with my left paw. I am a “no nonsense” cat.
Frank stepped back in extreme surprise. Nick the tutor smiled with amusement. “Just like his name sake” said Frank. “Incorrect” said Nick, the precise tutor, “I don’t hook with my left. However, that was magnificent. I’ll reward you with some sardines, Nick.”
Nick the tutor went away, and came back with some sardines. They were beautiful. I wonder if I’ll get more sardines if I swipe Frank again?